Useful gifts to get your DGN student for the holidays


Image by Viscious-Speed from Pixabay

Lauren Pierret, News Editor

Let’s face it, teenagers these days are difficult to shop for, and with the holiday season coming up, more stress is the last thing you need. You could get them socks or underwear, but for some reason, the kids of today aren’t as appreciative of necessities as they used to be. Here’s a list of the top 10 hottest and most useful gifts for your DGN student. 

  1. A portable space heater and air conditioning unit

While high in price, these two items are indispensable for any student that attends DGN. From the deserts of the math classes to the arctic tundra of the fine arts wing, students could use personal heaters and air conditioners to keep their body temperature consistent throughout their school day.  

  1. An industrial strength umbrella

 For high school students, heavy-duty umbrellas have many uses. Not only do they help with rainy walks to school and malfunctioning water fountains, but they also could act as shields during lunchtime. After all, depending on where your student sits during lunch, they may be caught in the crossfires of food-flinging sophomores. An umbrella will protect your student from an undeserved glob of yogurt to the hair. 

  1. A personal assistant

 While some could argue that almost every person needs a personal assistant, many teenagers tend to forget things easily. A personal assistant could act as another parent who is available to scold your student while they’re at school. They can also remind your student of unfinished homework assignments, overdue library books and to take home that smelly gym uniform they haven’t taken home all semester. 

  1. Noise-canceling headphones

 Every DGN student’s been there. They’re in the weight room with their gym class, attempting to enjoy their day, but they keep hearing the over-exaggerated grunts and slams of the hyperactive boys from the Fitness 2 class. With noise-canceling headphones, your student doesn’t need to worry about hearing the shouts and other noises that may come from untrained teenagers attempting to bench press twice their bodyweight. 

  1. A towel warmer

 Towel warmers are primarily purchased as a wedding present. However, this item would be invaluable to any DGN student currently in the swim unit of their P.E. class. A nice warm towel will delicately contrast the frigid water that should be illegal to jump in at 8:30 AM. 

  1. Ray-Ban sunglasses

While high in price, Ray-Ban sunglasses’ light-blocking technology will prove useful in many situations you might endure at school. These glasses help students look cool while taking a rejuvenating doze during class. They’ll even protect students’ eyes after their teachers turn the classroom lights back on after the class watches a video. 

  1. A portable hand dryer

 Due to a lack of working hand dryers, many students don’t dry their hands after using the restroom. At DGN, students typically face scorching hot air, intolerably cold air, or air pressure that feels like someone is barely blowing on their hands. With a personal hand dryer, your student wouldn’t need to use their clothes, backpack, or their math homework as a hand towel. The dryer could also help keep miscellaneous and unwanted high school smells away from your student’s nostrils. 

  1. A Rolex watch

 A beautiful Rolex watch is a stunning statement piece that any teenager would adore. For your DGN student specifically, its ability to tell time will come in handy the next time the school clocks decide to only display the time 3:20 or switch to military time.

  1. A gas mask

 Along with the aforementioned miscellaneous high school smells, this gas mask will help your student with cleaning their locker, a seemingly impossible feat due to the yogurt that’s been in their locker since the second week of school. 

  1. Personal Trainer

 While many high schoolers are very active and healthy, nearly all DGN students struggle to complete the trek from the first floor to the third floor without nearly passing out. With the aid of a personal trainer, one day, a student might actually be able to make it up all three floors without feeling like they just finished the Chicago Marathon. 

*Disclaimer: All things mentioned in this story are satirical and aren’t meant to be taken seriously*